What Is The Bad Movie Virus?

Very simply, it’s a movie so bad that you have to share it with others. Kind of like having someone smell bad milk that you yourself just inhaled. But much more enjoyable.

The BMV blog is made up of 3 types of entries: 1) Random BS: Movie news, rumors, rantings and ravings. 2) Things I’ve Seen: Movies recently viewed, good or bad, of any genre. 3) Quarantine: Where horror, sci-fi, fantasy (and everything in-between) movies that are so bad they’re good (or just really, really bad) are dissected in detail.

Regular ratings are 0-5 and Contagion Levels are 1-4 (Based on the level of viewing “fun”). Subscribe and join in with comments, suggestions and any verbal clap-trap you feel needs to be added.


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If You Came Here Via The Agony Booth…

Thanks for stopping by. You may notice there hasn’t been a lot of activity in quite a while. I got married, gained a son and got employed. I do have something in the works that was a bit too long for the Booth, but I’m not sure when it will be finished.

Please see if you enjoy any of my older stuff and feel free to comment!

Be well.


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Coming Soon…..


I’m not sure if it will be P2 (No, please, no!!) or something else I’ve been wanting to do, for years. I just promise that I’ll be doing something.

That’s not a promise to you, my no-readers, that’s a promise to me.


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To Geek Or Not To Geek, Dammit.

Luther the Geek (1990)

So, I’ve been wanting to review Luther The Geek for years and never got around to actually watching it, again, until recently. If you’re unfamiliar with the film, it involves a creepy man with metal teeth who makes life miserable for simple small-town folk, while clucking like a chicken.

And that’s pretty much the whole movie. Not a lot happens, actually.

And that is where I’m having trouble finding a way to make it work as an in-depth Quarantine entry. There isn’t much depth to it, at all.

If there were, say, film clips on the Toobs, that would be helpful. You can try to describe a grown man creeping about a farmhouse in search of his victims while clucking like a chicken, but it just doesn’t convey it in a suitable way as actually seeing and hearing it.

And the only reason to sit through the whole thing is to get to the last 15 minutes or so. Okay. I guess I have to go ahead and write this damn thing. Here we go…..

Again, I am amazed at the lack of easily available information on this movie. I remember reading all about the trials and tribulations of getting this movie made and released. It was extensively covered in either Fangoria or Gorezone (Fango’s much missed sister mag) and yet I find no entry in Wikipedia except under other entries.

Believe it or not, this movie was talked about by horror fans as a lost treasure simply because it was unable to be seen. I think that all changed once we finally got to witness it firsthand.

It doesn’t start off too bad. A deep and imposing “over-voice” informs us of the tragic history of carnival geeks. They were people so down on their luck that they would bite the heads off of live chickens for alcohol. Then….Well, the movie begins and we’re in for our first signs of trouble.

(Months later…) I give up. Luther has been in jail and some crazy bitch thinks he has paid for his crimes (which I think are murder) and they let him out. While he was in jail he made some metal teeth. He tears peoples throats out and then gets to the farmhouse.

Ummm…. Some chick shows her tits and people are all excited about that, for some reason.  Luther runs around clucking like a chicken. The mom of the naked chick finally takes him out by also clucking like a chicken, making him think she wants to mate, or something. She shoots him. He is surprised she isn’t a chicken person, after all.

Wow. What a terrible movie.

I wish I could share the scene of chicken seduction, with you.

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This Is What Constitutes “BAD”? -Green Lantern

For some reason, this makes me want guacamole.

-Green Lantern (2011)

First, I hate origin stories. I’m sorry that everyone isn’t up to speed on what is going on, but I just want to get to the good stuff.

GL doesn’t bore me, though. This movie was FUN.

Does anyone remember when movies were fun? Batman (89) wasn’t perfect, but we were just happy to be done with the 60’s and back to the darkness that was the Dark Knight.

GL isn’t meant to be dark. It’s meant to give us bright, fun, entertainment. And it does that.

Yes, I could have many gripes with this film. I’m not going to bitch, though. (I know, it’s a surprise to me, as well.) I had a great time with this movie.

Ryan Reynolds delivered, Blake Lively wasn’t awful, the FX were fun, the script didn’t waste too much time, and it was fucking fun!


I’m not going to give a synopsis or a real review, I just had to say this.

Everyone, including one of my favorite internet reviewers, wanted to hate this movie and therefore hated it.

Look, I pick up shitty movies knowing they’ll be bad and I can rant. No one knew whether this film would be good, before seeing it. But they heard everyone else slamming it and went in expecting shit.

I could have done that. I’m not even a Green Lantern fan. I read everything and, you know what, I didn’t give a fuck. It looked fun. I cautiously approached it after paying $33 or whatever and just said to myself: “I’ll just let it play and if it sucks, it does, but I might actually enjoy it.”

I enjoyed it. A lot.

Stop putting so much expectation and baggage from what others say. Remember what it was like to be a kid and see a movie you were excited about. It didn’t matter if it was perfect, you got to see what you dreamt of and you latched on to the good parts. Hell, I loved Flash Gordon, and that’s a terrible movie.

I’m going to say something you are not likely to hear ever fucking again. Please don’t tell anyone else that I said this, okay? I trust you. Just let it be our secret, okay?

I agree with Harry Knowles.


He wanted to like the movie, and he did. I wanted to like it, and I did.

If YOU want to hate it, you will.

It’s a shame that noone can just enjoy the experience of “going to the movies”, anymore.

We made it a point to see it on a huge screen with digital projection in 3-D, cuz if you’re gonna go to the fucking movies, you better make the most of it.

You love movies. You have to, or you wouldn’t be reading my bullshit ramblings. Remember what it was like. Just let go and let a movie take you where you’ve never been.

This is more of a rant, than a review. I’m sorry. Just reading all the negativity about a silly movie about aliens and magic rings made me question my critical brethren’s reasons for watching films, at all! If it’s total crap, great, be mean. But if it works with some things, but not all, ….. Fuck it. Stop WANTING to hate movies.


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State Of The Virus Address

Okay. I’ve been attacked by Hollywood. I am now officially something. I guess. Not really.


My work situation has changed. I will now have time to spend doing what I love: Watching bad movies and complaining.

I hope I’m entertaining. If not, I’m just “slanderous” and “amateur”. Damn.

I hope I live up to the promise of entertaining rants.

Be well.


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New Attrocity Unleashed: The Last Evil

Thank you, movie.

The Last Evil (2011)

Really? What the….


This movie starts with a great shot of a hallway and then devolves into shit. Just….Just look at this fucking shot!

Kubrick would be proud.





That’s freakin’ awesome. Then… We’re introduced to our main villain. I have to say, I’m not very afraid. If you need a smoke-stack to keep you running, all I have to do is drop a basketball in the tube on your head and defeat you. Dude. Seriously.

Least imposing villian, ever.






Also, he has a super-intelligent cat, that wants to help Mr. Smokey do…what the fuck is he going for? Oh, yeah. He’s trying to rule a city. Not a state, or country or the goddamn world, mind you. He just wants to run a city. With a psychic cat. Enough said.

Do not turn your back on this little fucker.






A bunch of dialog happens and Godzilla and the fucking cat have at it. I know. It sounds stupid, but you have to see it to believe it. *Spoiler* The cat wins.

It looks better on Blu-Ray.






Meanwhile, Johnny Storm (no relation to the Marvel character, he’s actually just a weatherman) was caught in the middle of the ruckus and irradiated by Godzilla’s radioactive breath. He has now gained the ability to embiggen his penis to describe the destruction caused by a butterfly that was also caught in the middle of the ruckus.

Radiation is seeping from my urethra. News at 11.

Butterflyra attacks!





Luckily, a super-spy has infiltrated Mr Weatherbee’s fortress and is able to sever his member.

Radiate this!





Jesus, after the Kitty defeated Godzilla, the world knew it needed help. In a BIG way. Therefore, Voltron was called in to solve the problem.

Master of the Univ...Oh wait...






Luckily, everything could be blamed on Ronald McDonald, so justice was served and millions of starving children got real beef and schooling. Thanks to the LAPD or whoever. Fuck it.

Suck it.





Happy April Fools Day. I will soon have time to get back to writing, again. Promise.

Be well.


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Nice Hat – The Green Hornet

Yes. 3-D. Imagine that.

The Green Hornet 3-D (2011)

First of all, it’s not really 3-D, unless you actually shoot it in 3-D. Post-conversion D usually equals a pop-up-book.

Which is why I found it funny that the movie was listed as “The Green Hornet D-3” at the actual theater.

Anyway, the post-conversion wasn’t bad. It actually looked like director Gondry and crew planned for the conversion, so some things actually worked. I don’t think there’s really a reason to pay the extra five bucks for shoddy extra dimensions, but it’s up to you. It wasn’t Clash of the Titans bad.

The movie, though, was a blast. I was never a fan of the show (radio or T.V.), so I wasn’t sure if I was the target audience. Then I tried to think of any fans of the show (radio or T.V.), I knew, and realized there is no fucking audience for that. Fans of the radio show are dead and fans of the T.V. show are all just fans of Bruce Lee that found out about the show after watching Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story. You know…the movie where Lee was killed by a nightmare samurai.

Hornet gets a good nod to Lee out of the way in the first third, where we see that Kato is a sketch artist. Amongst his drawrings is a page of sketches of Bruce. I believe I was the only one in the audience that got it. I guess everyone else thought Kato just got off drawing himself. I dunno. They all look the same, you know.

Most of the flick focuses on Seth Rogen as a spoiled shit that takes advantage of Kato (played by some Asian dude that is not Bruce Lee) and … that’s about it. Kato steals the movie by having some depth, though, and the flick deals with the conflict between the two quite well.

The action is … actiony. Okay, it’s actually a lot of fun. I wish the fights involving Kato had been shot smoother, but even the car and gun-play is just a hell of a lot of fun.

If you want a synopsis, just read any other review out there. I’m just letting you know that if you’re looking for a good time, this is one.

Or, you could go see Nicholas Cage in a bad wig, fighting demons. Or Anthony Hopkins pretending to be the Exorcist. It’s up to you.

I had a great time.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Nix says: It’s not changing anything, because it doesn’t need to. It’s just a lot of fun.




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