Just One Question -G.I. Joe-

Remember this image

I got a temporary membership to epixhd.com to watch Louis C.K.’s Hilarious and it’s good for 7 days. Obviously, I cannot allow this to go to waste. So, I decided to watch G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

Surprisingly, I was not offended by this movie.

Perhaps it’s because I was never a fan of the toys, comics or cartoon, but this was a lot of fun.

I hated HATED Transformers. You couldn’t recognize the robuts, the story was stupid and it insulted my intelligence. I’m not saying G.I. Joe is a smart movie, that would be a huge stretch, but at least it seems like they actually cared about the “franchise”.

The movie is directed by Stephen Sommers and it’s the best thing he’s done since Deep Rising, a great monster flick that most ignored. I’d basically written him off since he moved on to The Mummy and its’ sequel, but more so when he made the CGI crap-fest Van Helsing.  But this flick really brings his strengths back to life.

There’s a lot of story going on, here. Some scientists create nano-bots that eat metal. Some hot bitch tries to steal them and the Joes swoop in and save the day. Two army dudes get to join up, one knows the hottie, blah blah. There’s so much story, that in the middle of a fight, there is a fucking flash-back.

That doesn’t stop Sommers from keeping the movie flying along, though. It’s a two hour long film that surely doesn’t feel like it. The action scenes are paced throughout to keep you going from plot point to plot point.

And the action was pretty damn impressive, as well. Instead of shying away from all the ridiculous gadgets and vehicles that come with the territory, the filmmakers openly embrace all of that and it works.

They even threw in the line from the PSA’s from the cartoons AND I DIDN’T GROAN OR ROLL MY EYES. I actually chuckled. It was there and gone and not forced down your throat.

One thing that bothers me (and here comes my question): They properly use one of the coolest characters, Snake-Eyes throughout the film. Lots of ninja-y stuff and he never speaks. Thanks for not totally fucking him up. Now, remember that pic at the top? Go take another look. He looks pretty cool, eh? But notice how his hand is covering his mouth? Look at this..

Why? WHY, DAMMIT, WHY!?

And that is my one question.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5

It’s a goofy, fun, action-y movie.

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About Nix

Roo, bitches, roo!
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