“That’s Just Not Appropriate.” -Hatchet 2-

Must. Get. Shirt. Dammit.


Hatchet 2 (2010)

I’m not gonna lie, there were a few problems with Hatchet 2, but they don’t completely bring the film down.

The sequel picks up exactly where the first ended, the only difference being that the lead female character, Marybeth, is now played by Danielle Harris (Halloween 4 & 5, and Rob Zombie’s shitfests Halloween 1 & 2). She is the only survivor from the original group slaughtered in the first film and gets Rev. Zombie (Tony Todd) to help her organize a mob to re-enter the swamp for revenge. Victor Crowley kills everybody.

If you were a fan of the first, that synopsis should not surprise you. We’re not going to a Hatchet flick wanting deep studies of interpersonal relationships. We’re here to watch some idiots get slaughtered in entertaining ways. And the movie delivers that in spa …errr ….buckets.

I always knew Victor just wanted a little head.

The amount of blood and gore in this movie is insanely over the top. The decision to release this unrated is a no-brainer. There is no possible way to cut this film to get an R-rating. You’d be left with a 30 (thirty) minute long movie. During one of the early kills I was thinking how the MPAA must have been shitting their pants as they watched Crowley repeatedly smash someone in the face until it’s a bloody pulp. The MPAA will sometimes tell filmmakers that, say, 4 stabs with a knife is too much, but 2 stabs is acceptable. I couldn’t even count how many hits this poor dude’s face took.

The film is packed with probably the highest body count in slasher history and most of them are extremely entertaining. This has to have the funniest chainsaw scene I have ever seen and a woman at the screening walked out as it kept going. In fact the group in front of us reacted loudly to all the kills. It was hilarious.

Obviously, this movie isn’t for everyone, only the hardcore slasher fans need apply. Those that do show up will be treated to a delirious throwback to classic 80’s fun.

Fans will also get to play “spot that horror icon” and “spot that in-joke”.  In one movie, we’ve got Candyman, Jason, Leatherface, the director of Fright Night and Child’s Play, an actor from The Signal and an actress from both incarnations of the Halloween franchise, the director that first hired Hodder for Jason, nods to director Green’s Frozen and Jack Chop, Leslie Vernon, the first Hatchet and probably some other things I can’t remember.

Looks okay, so far.

The problems? Well, the movie starts off with such a bang that the following 30 minutes of establishing the characters and back story seems like an eternity. Some of the FX seem even lower quality than the original and then there’s Harris.

Seeing a pattern?

Ms. Harris is not a bad actress, so it’s not really her talent that bugged me. It’s her fucking eye-brows. Seriously. I never noticed until I had to stare at her enormous face for 90 minutes, but one eyebrow is significantly higher on her face than the other. You may not have noticed, yet (see pics), but now that I’ve mentioned it, you’re going to look for it. WARNING: ONCE YOU SEE IT, YOU CAN NEVER UN-SEE IT!!!

Aggh!!! Get it away!

Good luck forgetting that.

Anyway, it’s just a really fun movie with excessive, over-the-top violence. It’s so violent that it becomes hilarious.

One last thing (and you won’t find this on the IMDB, yet)…the closing credit crawl listed a “Voodoo Fluffer”. What the hell does that even mean?

Rating: 4 1/2 out of 5 (There are some not great movies coming up. Just seems like I’ve been seeing good ones, lately.)


About Nix

Dreams are hauntings in our heads.
This entry was posted in Endless October 2010 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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