This Is What Constitutes “BAD”? -Green Lantern

For some reason, this makes me want guacamole.

-Green Lantern (2011)

First, I hate origin stories. I’m sorry that everyone isn’t up to speed on what is going on, but I just want to get to the good stuff.

GL doesn’t bore me, though. This movie was FUN.

Does anyone remember when movies were fun? Batman (89) wasn’t perfect, but we were just happy to be done with the 60’s and back to the darkness that was the Dark Knight.

GL isn’t meant to be dark. It’s meant to give us bright, fun, entertainment. And it does that.

Yes, I could have many gripes with this film. I’m not going to bitch, though. (I know, it’s a surprise to me, as well.) I had a great time with this movie.

Ryan Reynolds delivered, Blake Lively wasn’t awful, the FX were fun, the script didn’t waste too much time, and it was fucking fun!

FUN! I FUCKING TELL YOU!

I’m not going to give a synopsis or a real review, I just had to say this.

Everyone, including one of my favorite internet reviewers, wanted to hate this movie and therefore hated it.

Look, I pick up shitty movies knowing they’ll be bad and I can rant. No one knew whether this film would be good, before seeing it. But they heard everyone else slamming it and went in expecting shit.

I could have done that. I’m not even a Green Lantern fan. I read everything and, you know what, I didn’t give a fuck. It looked fun. I cautiously approached it after paying $33 or whatever and just said to myself: “I’ll just let it play and if it sucks, it does, but I might actually enjoy it.”

I enjoyed it. A lot.

Stop putting so much expectation and baggage from what others say. Remember what it was like to be a kid and see a movie you were excited about. It didn’t matter if it was perfect, you got to see what you dreamt of and you latched on to the good parts. Hell, I loved Flash Gordon, and that’s a terrible movie.

I’m going to say something you are not likely to hear ever fucking again. Please don’t tell anyone else that I said this, okay? I trust you. Just let it be our secret, okay?

I agree with Harry Knowles.

Shush.

He wanted to like the movie, and he did. I wanted to like it, and I did.

If YOU want to hate it, you will.

It’s a shame that noone can just enjoy the experience of “going to the movies”, anymore.

We made it a point to see it on a huge screen with digital projection in 3-D, cuz if you’re gonna go to the fucking movies, you better make the most of it.

You love movies. You have to, or you wouldn’t be reading my bullshit ramblings. Remember what it was like. Just let go and let a movie take you where you’ve never been.

This is more of a rant, than a review. I’m sorry. Just reading all the negativity about a silly movie about aliens and magic rings made me question my critical brethren’s reasons for watching films, at all! If it’s total crap, great, be mean. But if it works with some things, but not all, ….. Fuck it. Stop WANTING to hate movies.

 

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About Nix

Roo, bitches, roo!
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11 Responses to This Is What Constitutes “BAD”? -Green Lantern

  1. Sorry, but GREEN LANTERN was awful on virtually every level. It was formulaic in every aspect, had zero character development beyond the standard screen writing 101 fare, Hal Jordan was entirely miscast (and completely changed from the comic), the Corps. were there merely as ornamentation, Hal’s “training” took all of about 5 minutes, Hector Hammond could have been exorcised from the film entirely and it wouldn’t have changed a thing, Parallax was wasted and poorly created on screen (I kept thinking of the “giant loogie” in EVOLUTION), the end was ludicrous and unnecessary, the ring’s A.I. was never covered…oh, the horror!

    THOR and, most especially, X-MEN: FIRST CLASS were vastly superior films. GREEN LANTERN was about on par with BATMAN AND ROBIN (which at least had the likable theme of family running throughout). GL was a wasted effort and I’m really hoping someone comes to their senses and reboots it much as was done with HULK.

    • P.S. I was not “wanting” to hate this film. I’m a huge GL fan and have been following development of this flick since its inception. I thought from the initial trailers that Ryan Reynolds was completely wrong for the role (especially since he was essentially just reenacting his same old Van Wilder character), but I was tentatively hopeful. Instead, the movie was, in a word, awful. Your standards can’t be very high if you let slide this total retread that uses every cliche in the book to create a perfectly soulless wreck of a popcorn flick.

      • Nix says:

        Michael, you are missing the point. I agree that there are things wrong with the movie. However, you accused me of having “low standards” for having a good time at the movies.

        I wanted to see GL use his powers, I wanted to see Oa, I wanted to like Hal (even if he isn’t “just like” the comic character). I wanted to be taken away from the everyday world.

        I got that. I had a great time AT THE THEATER.

        Aside from assuming I don’t know what a good film is, you biggest mistake was this: “Ryan Reynolds was completely wrong for the role (especially since he was essentially just reenacting his same old Van Wilder character)”, You just admitted that you were against the movie from the start. Would you have preferred Jack Black?

        I saw the first trailer. It sucked. I gave up on it. I saw the newer trailers that focused on the fantastical and got my hopes up. I read the reviews that slammed every little goddamn thing.

        Then, I went in to the film just wanting to be entertained. I was.

        That was the point of my rant. It’s not perfect, but it’s fun. I hate Transformers, because it’s not fun, at all. I had a great time with GL, because it didn’t take itself too seriously.

        The scene where Carol states she knows who Hal is, because she’s seen him naked and grew up with him, and hiding his cheek-bones with a tiny mask is stupid, was a great scene.

        Fuck. When Hal was being surrounded by the green orb, for the second time, and fighting it, was hilarious.

        Jesus, man.

        Yes, Hector was pointless. Fuck it. They made a mistake.

        Parallax was even impressive, and I hate CGI.

        I had a good time.

        Calm down and enjoy going to the movies.

        Yes, I’m a shit-head. But only to things that deserve it. GL was FUN.

  2. Nix says:

    BTW, you just defended Batman and Robin. Good job.

  3. Lynne C. says:

    First, Michael Morning…. have you lost your mind, completely? Batman and Robin. Really?

    Second, Nix, I agree – the movie was fun. It was meant to be fun. Oh no!!! How dare a movie that’s supposed to be fun actually be fun??? The nerve of you, movie.

    Keep writing, Nix.

  4. I remember when I was living in NYC and I went to the SONY Lincoln Center to see Godzilla, ya’ know the one with Matthew Broderick that came out in the late 90’s…anywho…I liked it. It was fine. It was entertaining and it was just about what I was expecting.

    On the way out after the movie, I was on the escalator headed down and there were 2 guys discussing the flick behind me and one of them said something like, “I don’t think they did enough with his love interest. They could have explored that more.” Stuff like that you know? I turned around and said “Love interest??!” “I came to see a nuclear lizard tear the shit out of manhattan.” I never want to be too jaded to enjoy a movie.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Nix your posts and article make no sense. You say it’s wrong for people to judge a movie before they see it, yet you did the exact same thing, you and Harry Knowles as you pointed out, before you even saw the movie. Michael Morning said he did not like the casting of Ryan Reynolds, but was willing to give it a try. You quoted him on saying that, but left out the part where he said he was willing to give Reynolds’ casting a try. How can you be so blatantly hypocritical and stupid to what Michael obviously pointed out? You even say it’s wrong for people to have hated this movie before they even saw it, but it is/was ok for you to like the same movie before you even saw it. Where the fuck does that make sense?

    • Nix says:

      He never said he would “give it a try”. Re-read his post.

      And my point was: If you want to hate something, you will. If you want to like it, you might.

      Just because I wanted to like it didn’t mean I would. I went into the movie willing to let it play.

      Fuck it. Apparently, I’m a douche for having a good time at the movies.

    • Nix says:

      He remained hopeful that the rest of the movie would redeem the mis-casting.

    • Nix says:

      To make this very clear: If you want to like it, but it sucks, that’s a problem. If you want to hate it, but it’s fun, you’re still gonna hate it.

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